Replace the Face

                                      
Don’t you wish that people’s hearts were displayed rather than their faces?

I had twenty-one girls looking at me.  I frantically searched my brain for how to describe beauty to these 8-14 year olds.  The young ladies before me have been growing up in a civilization that judges beauty on the physical.  We have adored models whose waist is a fourth the size of ours.  We have perused magazines whose photographed girls have been edited, reshaped, and polished to a humanly impossible level.  We have worshiped beauty as the avenue to acceptance, love, popularity, and fortune.  We have put so much pressure upon our girls that they suffer from bulimia, depression, and anorexia. 

So I told my story- the story of a frizzy-haired, acne-covered, braces-adorned, pale and freckled-skinned girl who was sure that she was the ugliest creature placed upon the earth.  Her parents loved her and told her that she was perfect and beautiful to them and God.  They told her she was smart and talented, but she couldn’t hear them.  She only saw her peers who were thin, had every strand in place, did not know what a pimple was, and had bronzed skin after a day in the sun rather than tomato red.  The doctor’s remark about her being obese on the height-weight chart only made her depression and self-loathing worse.  “Love yourself.  Everyone is beautiful.  If you are confident in who you are, you will be beautiful,” people encouraged.  Yes, it sounds lovely; but that advice is pretty shallow and doesn’t help much when you are a fourteen-year old girl standing beside a rack of Teen Vogue, Shout, and Seventeen magazines.

So what finally helped that girl who struggled even into her late teens?  Simple… when she realized that outer beauty is not all that important because- she figured out that the most beautiful people in life were the ones whose inner beauty was what she saw when she looked at them- she understood that God had made her just the way He wanted her and so she was perfect in His eyes- she put her focus on Christ instead of self- and she served the ones around her until she no longer thought or worried about how she looked but was consumed with how she could help ease pain and share Jesus’ love. 

Some of Leslie Ludy’s books have been very helpful to me on this subject.  May I share a few quotes?




“The most beautiful women I’ve ever observed are those that have exchanged a self-focused life for a Christ-focused one. They are confident, but not in themselves. Instead of self-confidence, they radiate with Christ-confidence.”
― Leslie Ludy, Set-Apart Femininity: God’s Sacred Intent for Every Young Woman

“If you are ready to trade the hollow self-made beauty of this world for the glorious Christ-built beauty of a set-apart young woman, this is where it all begins. Denying self, taking up your cross, and following the Lamb wherever He leads. In other words, letting go of all preoccupation with self: our comfort, our pleasure, our agenda, our popularity, our ability to gain the world’s approval, even our own dreams and desires. And, as Paul did, treating all those things as rubbish for the excellence of the knowledge of Him and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings (Philippians 3:7-9).”
― Leslie Ludy



Does this mean that we shouldn’t care at all about what we look like?  No, I’m not saying!  We should keep ourselves presentable.  “Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.” -1 Corinthians 6:19-20.  We are representing Christ, and thus should be a clean, pure ambassador.  I use Proactiv twice a day to keep my acne under control; I exercise daily because I was overweight and was starting with diabetes; I comb my hair every morning; I brush my teeth and go to the dentist regularly;…

So where’s the delicate balance?  I’ll borrow from Mrs. Ludy again….I like how she puts it in perspective with the terms “respect our bodies, but not worship them”.

I said that it’s simple to have the right perspective on beauty, but unfortunately it isn’t; I still do struggle at times with my focus coming off of Christ and looking around me as I start to worship the god of Beauty.  Those times when I compare myself to others (and bemoan my crooked nose), I fall into that trap of empty beauty which only leads to depression and endless searching.

So may I encourage you today, as I did my teen and tween girls, to stop focusing on physical beauty and instead learn to know the beauty of Christ.  When we look upon Christ’s beauty, He fills us with His radiance….and then we are truly made beautiful through Him.  His beauty shines out through us and is what people will see when they look upon us.  

If only we had the eyes of a little child.  I’m sure you have had it happen that a child will tell you, “You’re beautiful!”  You want to chuckle because most adults would disagree with that statement, but that child has seen your heart instead of your face.  All he sees is the love, gentleness, kindness, and compassion that is radiating from the inside-out, not whether or not you are wearing name-brand clothing, have a perfect complexion, boast a gorgeous tan, wear a size 2, and are named Miss America.

Today I challenge you to imagine that you are wearing your heart instead of your face.  I also challenge you to view others in the same way.  Replace their face with their heart, and things will appear quite differently to your eyes.  There’s a lot we can learn from young children, but I think this, perhaps, is my favorite lesson.  


“No matter how plain a woman may be, if truth and honesty are written across her face, she will be beautiful.”
― Eleanor Roosevelt

1 Samuel 16:7  But the LORD said to Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the LORD sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the LORD looks on the heart.”

Proverbs 31:30  Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

 

“If people were more concerned with how they looked on the inside, then on the outside, the world would be a nicer place to exist.”
― David Walsh

Ten Frame-Worthy Quotes

I’m one of those quote junkies.  I have a pinterest board full of quotes and a notebook crammed tight with wonderful words.  There are chalkboards in our house that I am constantly scribbling upon with inspirational sayings.  A bare wall is a canvas for filling with wise ideas and feelings.  So here are ten quotes that I really enjoy (believe me, I have hundreds more- which I can share another time;).  Keep Tuned-  Sometime within the next month, I’ll plan to share different ways to frame the words you love.



“Use what talents you possess: the woods would be very silent if no birds sang there except those that sang best.” – Henry Van Dyke



“I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness because it shows me the stars.” – Og Mandino

“It’s not what the world holds for you. It’s what you bring to it.” – Kevin Sullivan (Anne of Green Gables/Sequel)

 

 

 

For those who are married—-

“He always dreamt of being a hero. She always dreamt of being a princess. As fate would have it, he’s her hero and she’s his princess.”  Or reword…  “He always dreamt of being a hero.  She always dreamt of being a princess.  So now as God had planned it, he’s her hero and she’s his princess.”

“All that is gold does not glitter,  Not all those who wander are lost;  The old that is strong does not wither,  Deep roots are not reached by the frost.

For teachers—–
“The kids that need the most love often ask for it in the most unloving ways.” – Unknown



“God is using your present circumstances to make you more useful
for later roles in His unfolding story.” – Louie Giglio

“Normality is a paved road: It’s comfortable to walk,

but no flowers grow on it.” – Vincent van Gogh

 

 

“All their life in this world and all their adventures had only been

the cover and the title page: now at last

they were beginning Chapter One of the Great Story which

no one on earth has read: which goes on for ever:

in which every chapter is better than the one before.”

― C. S. Lewis, The Last Battle

 

 

And Just for Fun—–

 

 

Living in the Crayon Box

I’m back!  Yes, I know I haven’t been blogging faithfully, but I have had a good excuse.  Last week I was away at girls’ camp, (and of course, this week has been recovery and catch-up on all the work that fell behind during my absence;).

Girls’ camp was good- there were only minor injuries, it only rained one day, and lots of girls gave their hearts to Jesus.  I once again was choir director this year, and at first struggled to come up with a theme that would be fun and different- while meaningful.  Then God told me, “Living in the Crayon Box- it’s colorful, fun (who doesn’t like crayons??), and something that everyone will relate to.”  So I embarked on the hunt for songs and dramas that would teach the lessons that can be learned from the crayon box.  And believe me, I learned a lot during the process.


1.  We each are a crayon.  Take the time to close your eyes and imagine what color you are.  Some see themselves as Fuzzy Wuzzy Brown, a behind-the-scenes, dull, almost-worthless individual.  Some view themselves as Purple Pizzazz, an outgoing, bubbly, everybody’s friend, valuable person who thinks they really are the best crayon out there.

But guess what- each crayon is needed….no matter the color!  Each crayon in the crayon box is there for a certain purpose.  Sepias color trees, Goldenrod Yellows color suns, Cornflower Blues color skies, Whites color clouds, Radical Reds color flowers, Fushcias color sunsets….  No matter how invaluable you think you are, you really were put upon this earth for a purpose.  Macaroni and Cheese Oranges can’t take your place and neither can Electric Limes. 


2.  The crayons need each other.  When have you went to the store and only purchased one crayon?  No!  Crayons come all together in a crayon box because we need all the colors to work together!!!  Sometimes we get the opinion, at least I can sometimes, that we don’t need the other crayons.  My Turquoise Blue can do fine all by itself.  Why do I need to share the page with Black and Timberwolf Gray?  There is less drama when I don’t live inside the crayon box with all the other messed-up crayons.  May I say how sad that is?  The loneliest times in my life are when I’m outside the crayon box, aloof from the other crayons.  No, I don’t have to struggle with all the problems that immediately tag along with relationships and friendships; but I am lonely and calloused.  I become cynical and bitter when I sit by myself on my own shelf, coloring my own picture.  And when I look at my picture, and all I see is turquoise, I realize deep within that there is no beauty in just me, alone. 


 To make a masterpiece, we need all the colors working together.  Yes, that takes time, commitment, selflessness, and unconditional love; but that is the only way to achieve true beauty.  That is the way The Artist designed us for this life.  I know that there are crayons in the crayon box that will judge us by how our crayon wrapper is peeled.  I understand that there are crayons who try to control everything that goes on in the crayon box.  I realize that there are crayons who are difficult to love; but The Artist just asks us to do our best and love each crayon around us.  True love, selflessness, forgiveness, and a relationship with The Artist are the only ways that crayon boxes can get along and work together.










3.  I need to stop comparing my color to other colors.  My Turquoise may complain that she doesn’t have as much to do as Wild Strawberry Pink; or she may complain that she has to do a lot more than Maroon.  She may feel ugly as she colors beside Vivid Tangerine; or she may feel more beautiful than Asparagus Green.  We, crayons, are equally important and beautiful in The Artist’s eyes.  He may call some of us to do more behind-the-scenes work; He may call some of us to serve more than others; He may call some of us to wait patiently; He may call some of us to work until there is no more life within us.  But He does not want us to compare our calling or value to another crayon’s!  

These are some of the songs (and a poem) that we did for camp chorus.

CITY ON A HILL:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R7MC2wu49Cw

IT’S NO GOOD TO BE ALONE:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fn1Qej-4LC4

SERVANT SONG (we did this in sign language):  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kdmgpMfnjdU

I CAN BE YOUR FRIEND:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MbJNlJ5yVUk

THE CRAYON BOX THAT TALKED (poem):  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wXMuRI7p2k8

THE COLORING SONG:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zkUcEBEa6H8

And some songs we sang that included lots of color (just because girls love singing fun songs).

MY FAVORITE THINGS:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=33o32C0ogVM

THE COLOR SONG: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W7Y_bExWy00


And I thought to finish off this post, I would also give you the list of crayon names yet;)

Aaron at ColorSchemer.com created a fun list of all 120 Crayon Colors with their hex codes and RGB values. “All of these colors are rough approximations from Crayola’s current list of 120 Crayon Colors. -CS”

Name	Hex	RGB
Mahogany	CD4A4A	205,74,74
Fuzzy Wuzzy Brown	CC6666	204,102,102
Chestnut	BC5D58	188,93,88
Red Orange	FF5349	255,83,73
Sunset Orange	FD5E53	253,94,83
Bittersweet	FD7C6E	253,124,110
Melon	FDBCB4	253,188,180
Outrageous Orange	FF6E4A	255,110,74
Vivid Tangerine	FFA089	255,160,137
Burnt Sienna	EA7E5D	234,126,93
Brown	B4674D	180,103,77
Sepia	A5694F	165,105,79
Orange	FF7538	255,117,56
Burnt Orange	FF7F49	255,127,73
Copper	DD9475	221,148,117
Mango Tango	FF8243	255,130,67
Atomic Tangerine	FFA474	255,164,116
Beaver	9F8170	159,129,112
Antique Brass	CD9575	205,149,117
Desert Sand	EFCDB8	239,205,184
Raw Sienna	D68A59	214,138,89
Tumbleweed	DEAA88	222,170,136
Tan	FAA76C	250,167,108
Peach	FFCFAB	255,207,171
Macaroni and Cheese	FFBD88	255,189,136
Apricot	FDD9B5	253,217,181
Neon Carrot	FFA343	255,163,67
Almond	EFDBC5	239,219,197
Yellow Orange	FFB653	255,182,83
Gold	E7C697	231,198,151
Shadow	8A795D	138,121,93
Banana Mania	FAE7B5	250,231,181
Sunglow	FFCF48	255,207,72
Goldenrod	FCD975	252,217,117
Dandelion	FDDB6D	253,219,109
Yellow	FCE883	252,232,131
Green Yellow	F0E891	240,232,145
Spring Green	ECEABE	236,234,190
Olive Green	BAB86C	186,184,108
Laser Lemon	FDFC74	253,252,116
Unmellow Yellow	FDFC74	253,252,116
Canary	FFFF99	255,255,153
Yellow Green	C5E384	197,227,132
Inch Worm	B2EC5D	178,236,93
Asparagus	87A96B	135,169,107
Granny Smith Apple	A8E4A0	168,228,160
Electric Lime	1DF914	29,249,20
Screamin Green	76FF7A	118,255,122
Fern	71BC78	113,188,120
Forest Green	6DAE81	109,174,129
Sea Green	9FE2BF	159,226,191
Green	1CAC78	28,172,120
Mountain Meadow	30BA8F	48,186,143
Shamrock	45CEA2	69,206,162
Jungle Green	3BB08F	59,176,143
Caribbean Green	1CD3A2	28,211,162
Tropical Rain Forest	17806D	23,128,109
Pine Green	158078	21,128,120
Robin Egg Blue	1FCECB	31,206,203
Aquamarine	78DBE2	120,219,226
Turquoise Blue	77DDE7	119,221,231
Sky Blue	80DAEB	128,218,235
Outer Space	414A4C	65,74,76
Blue Green	199EBD	25,158,189
Pacific Blue	1CA9C9	28,169,201
Cerulean	1DACD6	29,172,214
Cornflower	9ACEEB	154,206,235
Midnight Blue	1A4876	26,72,118
Navy Blue	1974D2	25,116,210
Denim	2B6CC4	43,108,196
Blue	1F75FE	31,117,254
Periwinkle	C5D0E6	197,208,230
Cadet Blue	B0B7C6	176,183,198
Indigo	5D76CB	93,118,203
Wild Blue Yonder	A2ADD0	162,173,208
Manatee	979AAA	151,154,170
Blue Bell	ADADD6	173,173,214
Blue Violet	7366BD	115,102,189
Purple Heart	7442C8	116,66,200
Royal Purple	7851A9	120,81,169
Purple Mountains’ Majesty	9D81BA	157,129,186
Violet (Purple)	926EAE	146,110,174
Wisteria	CDA4DE	205,164,222
Vivid Violet	8F509D	143,80,157
Fuchsia	C364C5	195,100,197
Shocking Pink	FB7EFD	251,126,253
Pink Flamingo	FC74FD	252,116,253
Plum	8E4585	142,69,133
Hot Magenta	FF1DCE	255,29,206
Purple Pizzazz	FF1DCE	255,29,206
Razzle Dazzle Rose	FF48D0	255,72,208
Orchid	E6A8D7	230,168,215
Red Violet	C0448F	192,68,143
Eggplant	6E5160	110,81,96
Cerise	DD4492	221,68,146
Wild Strawberry	FF43A4	255,67,164
Magenta	F664AF	246,100,175
Lavender	FCB4D5	252,180,213
Cotton Candy	FFBCD9	255,188,217
Violet Red	F75394	247,83,148
Carnation Pink	FFAACC	255,170,204
Razzmatazz	E3256B	227,37,107
Piggy Pink	FDD7E4	253,215,228
Jazzberry Jam	CA3767	202,55,103
Blush	DE5D83	222,93,131
Tickle Me Pink	FC89AC	252,137,172
Pink Sherbet	F780A1	247,128,161
Maroon	C8385A	200,56,90
Red	EE204D	238,32,77
Radical Red	FF496C	255,73,108
Mauvelous	EF98AA	239,152,170
Wild Watermelon	FC6C85	252,108,133
Scarlet	FC2847	252,40,71
Salmon	FF9BAA	255,155,170
Brick Red	CB4154	203,65,84
White	EDEDED	237,237,237
Timberwolf	DBD7D2	219,215,210
Silver	CDC5C2	205,197,194
Gray	95918C	149,145,140
Black	232323	35,35,35

What Married People Won't Tell Singles

It finally has arrived—the second part in a two-part series designed to delve into the “behind the scenes” thoughts that go on between two categories of people.

No matter your age, gender, or race…you will be in one of two categories- married or single.  It’s so easy to get so caught up in your own “category” of life that you overlook or forget what others are experiencing.  This series is to help us “walk a mile in each others’ shoes”.

Not everything applies to all singles or marrieds, but usually the things mentioned are a tendency for a lot of people in general.  Please do not be offended in any way; instead take what is said and use it to understand what other people are going through so you know how to reach into their lives!

Many Thanks to all who took the time to share such wonderful tid-bits of honesty and wisdom!  You will find names after some of the shared comments, and “A” stands for friends that wanted to share their nuggets of gold anonymously.

You can catch up on last week's article, "What Singles Won't Tell Married People", at http://marjanitalarosa.wordpress.com/2014/07/28/what-singles-wont-tell-married-people/


FRIENDSHIP

To Tell Singles - Please continue pursuing our friendship, even if we are married and you aren't. You are not worth any less or of any less importance to us, just because we are in different stages of life.  -Kristin Keller

If I, Lesa, genuinely cared about my single friends before I was dating/married/children...I will genuinely care after I am married. I won't know how to stop! I say this cuz I truly did genuinely care and love my friends before I was dating. Namely, I am thinking of my 4 bridesmaids. I am still crazy close to all 4 of them. It drove me bonkers right after I started dating, they started distancing themselves from me, and quite frankly it really hurt. They assumed I wouldn't want anything to do with them after I started dating. I tried telling them over nad over again that I wanted them around, I wanted to be with them even when Keith was around...but it was like they didn't believe me. It drove me crazy. I wanted to get it thru their thick skull that they were the one thing in my life that didn't change, and I needed them more than ever!!! But, I finallly had to be ok with "time will tell". After months of dating, and a year of dating they started believing that our friendship wasn't going to change, and I didn't want it to. But then I got engaged, and married and I had to prove it to them all over again...and it took many months for them to realize that it isn't gonna change.

I do know that this isn't everyones story, but that is my story! And in about 2 months I am going to be a mom. And finally, I feel like I don't have to prove to my friends anymore that I am not gonna change. They believe me now. They know that I genuinely care about their lives, and their lives aren't any "less" of a life if they are still single. I want to say a big" I am soooo sorry!!! " on behalf of the married ladies that have dropped their single friends at a drop of a hat. They are the ones that are missing out. This should never happen, and frankly I don't understand it!!!! I LOVE spending time with my single friends!!!!  So, what is my advice to the singles: Yes, there are a lot of ladies that do drop their single friends as soon as they start dating, and I am so sorry for that. But we aren't all that way! So plz believe the good ones when they genuinely want to be with you. We are aren't doing our good deed by being with you. We want to! We find you soooo refreshing!!! We know that your lives are so wild, free, busy, doing soooo many things, and we love to hear it!  -Lesa Maust

Singles- Being a single doesn't mean you're too old to associate with the young teenagers and children, but neither does it mean that you can't associate with older/married people because you're not in a relationship.  
Stay involved in the lives around you, even if they are not your age or in your same spot in life.  When I was young, I was often inspired by the single women that were around me; and even now as an older married woman, I have wonderful friendships with single women.  You have a great opportunity to reach into others' lives!  -"A"

Rejoice with your friends that start dating or get married.  I have seen many singles become bitter and jealous and ruin friendships just because they wished they were in their friend's shoes.  (Side Note- If you do start dating sometime, be considerate of your friends who are still single).  -"A"

ROMANCE

For Single People- I've seen a lot of singles sell themselves cheaply to the first person who shows interest in them.  Desperation has led to many unhappy marriages.  Be willing to accept other people's advice about the company you keep....they can see things you can't.  -"A"

Be patient with your life.  Don't take matters into your own hands.  Remember that the right person that was led in God's timing can make a beautiful marriage, but also keep in mind that the person who was grabbed out of desperation will make a horrible marriage.  You can not fathom how terrible it would be to locked in relationship like that for the rest of your lives.  -"A Man's Words"

Don't expect a partner to fulfill the longing within yourself.  Instead, let God fill that empty spot with ways to serve Him and help others.  Marriage won't be the answer for making everything perfect.  Only loving God whole-heartedly and following His will makes you complete.  -"A"

FREEDOM

To Tell Singles - Enjoy every moment of your singleness. Someday you may be changing diapers and cooking dinner (again), and wish you could jump in the car and go on a carefree roadtrip for the weekend, like you used to. Enjoy the flexibility you have in this stage of life, before the responsibility of a house, husband, and children.  -Kristin Keller

REACH OUT

To Tell Singles - Use this time to invest in other people - a young mom that is overwhelmed, a lonely elderly person, your family, hurting friends. You will never regret pouring time into others.  -Kristin Keller

To Singles....Don't be self-centered.  Yes, singleness is a great time to make those dreams come true- but the things that will have the most value and will be remembered the longest are the ones that you did for others.  "Another Man's Viewpoint"

Look for fun, adventurous avenues to serve God during this time that you couldn't do if you were married like us.  -"A"

JUST SOME EXTRAS

Sometimes we really really really envy you.  You have countless opportunities to do the things we will never be able to do.  Truly treasure this time that God has given you.  -"A"

To the Singles --- Dear single person, it's fine that you want to tell us about your crazy, single life adventures (sometimes bordering on downright sinful) --- but know that we are now bold enough and old enough to let you know that these shenanigans are of no benefit...only cause hurt and pain...and just aren't smart. Very rarely will we sit by and listen and then condone such behavior  -Jennifer Young

Some singles flirt with married people to make themselves feel better or fulfill a desire (or they do it without even thinking about it).  Try to respect the boundaries of marriages.  Encourage us to have strong marriages with our husbands and wives.  -"A"

To Singles:     BE HAPPY!!!  It is incredibly sad to see a grumpy/bitter single.  Happy, vivacious, energetic, caring singles inspire us!!!!  -"A"

 Did you enjoy this interactive blog series?  Well, hopefully there will be more opportunities for you to share your opinions, advice, and viewpoints.  I hope to have an interactive blog series once a month in which everyone can participate!

Next month---- Keep tuned for next month's subject.

What Singles Won't Tell Married People

What Singles Won’t Tell Married People

It finally has arrived—the first part in a two-part series designed to delve into the “behind the scenes” thoughts that go on between two categories of people.

No matter your age, gender, or race…you will be in one of two categories- married or single.  It’s so easy to get caught up in your own “category” of life that you overlook or forget what others are experiencing.  This series is to help us “walk a mile in each others’ shoes”.

Not everything applies to all singles or marrieds, but usually the things mentioned are a tendency for a lot of people in general.  Please do not be offended in any way; instead take what is said and use it to understand what other people are going through so you know how to reach into their lives!

Next Monday will hopefully be Part 2: Things Married People Won’t Tell Singles.  Stay tuned!  There’s still time to add in advice for Part 2.  You can email at marj@larosabooks.com or through the blog contact page with what you wish to tell singles.

Thanks to all that took the time and shared such wonderful tid-bits of honesty and wisdom.  You will find names after some of the shared comments; my thoughts are marked afterwards by “MarJ”; and “A” stands for friends that wanted to share their nuggets of gold anonymously.

Part 1:  What Singles Won’t Tell Married People

FRIENDSHIP

1.  It really hurts when you drop our friendship after marriage in exchange for other married people’s friendships.  We are glad you can expand your social circle and relate with people in the same place of life as you, but we feel unimportant and forgotten when we are dropped.  -A

2.  Our friendship will have new dynamics because your marriage has changed us both, but don’t be scared to keep our friendship.  And no, we don’t mind hanging out with you and your spouse together.  It’s not as awkward as you think it may feel for us.  We actually enjoy it!  -MarJ

3.  Don’t be exclusive and only hang out with your married friends.  Still do stuff with your single friends.  – A Guy’s Perspective

4.  Singleness is not a disgusting spot in life.  We are not of less importance or value than you.  Actually at one time, you were single too.  So do not act like we are embarrassing, there is something wrong with us, or we are too low on the social scale to continue a relationship with us.  -A

5.  Please do not be offended if we pull away at first after your marriage.  We feel like we lost a  close friend to an outsider and wonder how we fit into this new way of life.  We have been hurt too often and left behind before; so we separate ourselves to spare more pain.  We want to keep our friendship, but we question if you do.  All it takes is an email, a coffee date, or a party invite from you to us to say that our friendship will continue….and we will be back to our old selves=D  -MarJ

CONVERSATION

1.  People often laugh at how singles have all the answers on children and marriage until they are married and raising a family.  But sometimes we can see things from our viewpoint on the outside that can’t be seen from the inside.  Don’t be afraid to ask for our advice at times.  -A

2.  We love to hear about your kids’ nosebleeds and husband’s snoring problems, but not all of the time.  Ask us about our life once in awhile (and truly listen).  MarJ

3.  We detest when you are talking with other married people about marriage-related things and then pause, look at us, and say with a smirk, “I’m sorry.  I forgot, you wouldn’t know anything about that.”  Kudos to making us feel like the oddball.  -A

4.  What is the reason behind comments such as, “If you had a husband, you wouldn’t be doing things like that.”?  It is often said in the tone of ….”Well, I’m married.  The things I do are so important compared to your trivial hobbies, pursuits, and jobs because I’m taking care of a husband and family.  If you were married, you wouldn’t be doing such unimportant things.”  -A

5.  Stop asking us if we’re dating yet!  You most likely will know if we are.  Especially as women, we really can’t do anything about getting a boyfriend; all that comment does is make us feel like we still aren’t “good” enough to achieve to your standard.  -A

6.  Marriage doesn’t make you suddenly all-knowing and wise.  It’s okay to be human and ask for help, advice, and counsel from your single friends.  -A Guy’s Perspective

PARTIES AND EVENTS

1.  It means so much for me to have married friends who let me sit with them at weddings and funerals and other places I don’t enjoy going to alone as a single woman!  -R.


2.  Please invite us when you invite other families. We need and long for that family environment and the interaction with both male and female. Pursue us! Invite us on a special event when you go somewhere without your children. It meant more than words can say when my brother and his wife invited me to a concert with them one Sunday afternoon.  -R.


3.  You don’t always have to have parties and do stuff as a married couple.  Sometimes it’s fun to have a night where the guys hang out and the girls do their own thing.  -A Guy’s Perspective

HOW YOU CAN HELP US

1.  Do not assume that we enjoy your matchmaking antics—-BUT do not assume that we don’t!  Everyone has a different personality.  Some of us love “blind dates” and getting to meet new people; yet some of us detest them and find it awkward.  Just ask us if you don’t know how we feel about your help in our social affairs.  We will honestly tell you if we appreciate it or don’t.  You may know two of your friends that would go well together, but you have been too afraid to try getting them acquainted.  It never hurts to ask what they think of the idea.  -A

2.  Be respectful.  Don’t be lovey-dovey all the time; because it is extremely awkward to be near a situation like that.  -A Guy’s Perspective

3.  Thank you to those of you who are honest about the struggles of married life. It helps us realize that we are all in the same boat as far as disappointment, loneliness, and needing God. Validate our loneliness and longings as singles. I’ve had a married friend shrug off my longing for a daily hug, by saying that when you are married, hugs becomes so routine it really doesn’t do much for you. But I wanted to say, “What if your husband or wife dies, and you suddenly don’t have that anymore? Would you miss it?” Even if something is routine, it is doing more for you than you realize. And those of us who don’t have that are missing something. One of the most comforting things my married friends/families do is to validate my feelings in times of loneliness and longing. Don’t brush it off by telling us what a nice life we have. Although reminding us of our worth in Christ and pointing out the impact we are having on others is a big encouragement. I love my married friends and feel so blessed to be accepted as one of them. I love that we are all one in Christ, and in many ways singles and marrieds are more alike than different. We struggle with the same things just in a different environment.   -R.


4.  Please don’t view us single people as incomplete. We are not any less of a person without a spouse. We are not irresponsible youths just because we are single. We may not be able to relate to the marital part of your lives, but we are going through the same things in life as pertains to growing up. We have struggles, we have victories, we have insight, we have life. It is different than yours but it is not less in meaning. In fact Apostle Paul said it would be better to be single to serve God more effectively. So please allow us some respect and value while we are traveling alone.  -Monica Yoder (http://wingedfaith.wordpress.com)

A LOOK INTO OUR LIVES

1.  When the only time you contact us is when you need a babysitter, it makes us feel taken advantage of and questioning our worth. Please don’t think we have all the time and energy in the world because we don’t have families. Often the Lord calls singles to special ministries that take a lot of energy, besides needing to support ourselves through full time jobs. Remember that we have limitations just like you do!  R.


2.  We love to be your kids’ adopted aunts and uncles, but make sure they are good kids!  It is stressful on us to have to pretend that your hair-pulling, skin-pinching, house-wrecking, obnoxious and awkward-question-asking, disobedient child is our favorite angel.  -A

3.  Please do not assume that our reason for singleness is to serve you.  We will gladly babysit, clean house, mow lawn…; but do not expect it.  Also be willing to pay (most likely we won’t take anything or much of anything, but it makes us feel like you appreciate our work).  Remember that we have a life and job too; so don’t call on us to help you out every day of the week (remember that it was your choice to get married and accept those responsibilities).  -A

4.  Don’t act like your problems are of more importance than our “trivial life”.  We may not have dirty diapers to change and a family to support, but we have mortgages or rent to pay, parents and family to care for, cars that need repairs, jobs that are demanding and tiring, and big decisions to make—-plus we are doing this all on our own.  -MarJ

5.  Yes, we know you miss your husband when he is on stay-away, but please don’t whine about it to us. It’s okay to miss him and we certainly don’t mind you telling us so, but remember that some of us dream of being in your shoes. Be thankful that you have a husband.  -A

6.  Many of us wish to be married and not have to face things alone, and we realize our singleness with each wedding, each birth announcement, each major decision we have to decide upon; so be considerate.  No, you don’t have to tip-toe around us and pull away because of being afraid that you may offend us; but don’t purposely try to belittle or remind us of our singleness.  Focus on the good that we do through our singleness.  Often times, we accomplish great things for God and have a lot of potential; but it is never recognized by married people because all they see is our single status.  -A

ADVICE FOR YOU

1.  We are glad that you and your spouse have such a cozy relationship, but great shows of affection are slightly awkward.  While you are massaging, whispering, kissing, etc…we fidget, try to find someone to talk with, and can’t help but wonder if you are always this affectionate to each other or if it is only to say, “Attention, please, notice that we’re married.”  That is probably not your intent, but we can easily come to that conclusion.  -A

2.  You and your spouse do become one, but you can still be yourself.  When we talk directly to you, please do not look at your spouse and have them answer or reply for you.  -MarJ

3.  When you and your spouse are at parties and events together- please mingle and talk to other people.  When you cling only to your spouse as if he/she would vanish if you left his/her side, we feel really bad for you.  You are missing out on making new friends and renewing old ones, and people often judge your actions as insecure, snobbish, or proud.  We hate to see people think the worst of you!  -MarJ

4.  Accept your responsibility.  You made the choice to take on a wife and family (or for girls, you made the decision to say, “I do”); so now grow-up.  Nothing bothers me more than when a man or woman makes a commitment, but then does not accept the responsibility.  I feel very bad for your husband or wife that is relying upon you.  There are a lot of struggling marriages because the husband or wife focused so much on marriage that they never matured themselves (in Christ and in general life responsibilities) before taking their vows.  -A Guy’s Perspective

Thanks for reading!  Remember to check back next week for Part 2.

Your Help, Please

Your Help, Please!

Ladies and Gentlemen—-I would LOVE your help! I’m doing a blog series on “Things Singles won’t tell Married People” and “Things Married People won’t tell Singles”….just stuff that we see in each other that we wish we could talk about, but can’t (kinda like the articles Reader’s Digest writes on what waitresses and flight attendants see and know, but won’t say).

Example—- To Tell Married People- “We love to hear about your kid’s nosebleeds and husband’s snoring problems, but not all the time. Ask us about our life once in awhile (and truly listen).”

Message me your input…labeled as either -to tell singles- or -to tell married people-; include your name at the end if you want me to include your name in the blog with your input!

Please be open and honest cuz’ I want this to be an encouraging, insightful, and beneficial series. Pass this on as well to your friends…they can email answers to marj@larosabooks.com (you can also use this email if you want to stay anonymous); or you can go through the contact page at www.marjanitalarosa.wordpress.com …..Thanks for your help; couldn’t do it without you!!!

Dancing Through The Pages

Daily Prompt

Fictional Intruder

Go down the rabbit hole with Alice; play quidditch with Harry Potter; float down the river with Huck Finn… If you could choose three fictional events or adventures to experience yourself, what would they be?

I felt my eyelids growing heavier and heavier.  It had been a long day, but I was determined to stay up and finish the last chapter.  "It is such a captivating story," I thought as I stifled a yawn.  Maybe just a bit of shut-eye would do the trick of reawakening my concentration to finish the last two pages.  "I'll close my eyes for only five minutes," I whispered to my half-conscious brain as I set my alarm clock.
I looked down at my book, and these few last words caught my eyes before I drifted off completely into dreamland, " 'Step into the pages, Child, for you will discover all that did not make sense during the story.  You will truly taste tears, joy, pain, fear, happiness, and love as never experienced before.  You will dance and waltz across the lines that were only read in times past.  You, dear Josette, will embark on an adventure' " (A Story Never Written).

Dreamland was as usual- pink cotton-candy clouds, fluffy puppy dogs, rippling streams, smiling stars...except this time there were large houses scattered across the landscape.  That is not unusual you may say, but it is...because these were not ordinary houses.  These houses were gigantic books that could be entered through a front door.  I looked up at the house in front of me.  The words, The Cat in the Hat, were scrawled across the front.  Children leaned out of upstairs windows laughing, and I was sure that I saw a cat wearing a hat pass by an open kitchen window.

I scratched my head in puzzlement at this strange addition to my dreamland.  Was it possible?  Could I really step into any book and meet the characters and join in on the adventures?

There was only one way to find out.  I quickly set off in the direction of a blue bouse (that was the terms the locals used for the strange book houses) entitled The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes.  A sign on the door stating 221b Baker Street told me that I had indeed located the right place.  I rang the doorbell and waited, unsure if one just enters a bouse or waits to be admitted.  As I waited, I watched the bouse next to me on the right.  I heard sounds of oinking coming from inside, and a rope of hair extended out the attic window until it reached the ground.  "It could only be the fairy-tale house," I reasoned.

"Yes, hello, Dearie, may I help you?"
I was startled by a voice at the door.  I turned around and came face to face with Mrs. Hudson.  "Yes," I answered, "I would like to meet Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson, if you please."
Mrs. Hudson winked with a knowing smile, "Why, yes, of course- they are investigating 'The Hound of the Baskerville' case.  I'm sure you could watch them at work if that type of thing interests you."
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I exited as I waved goodbye to Dr. Watson.  He was a jolly ole' gent and quite glad for my company.  Sherlock simply nodded his head and then turned to go back upstairs.  "That really was remarkable, Mr. Holmes.  Thank you for allowing me to shadow you and Dr. Watson," I said as he left.
He waved his hand backwards over his shoulder at me, "Elementary, my dear girl, elementary."
---------------------------------
I was shown into the house by a maid dressed in the formal black and white servant attire.
I walked in just as Emma was saying, “And have you never known the pleasure and triumph of a lucky guess? I pity you. I thought you cleverer; for depend upon it, a lucky guess is never merely luck. There is always some talent in it.”― Jane Austen, Emma
I nearly skipped with joy as I realized that I had indeed danced into the pages of one of Jane Austen's creations.  Emma and I would have such a grand time together.
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My heart was quite light after the adventures I had experienced so far and now felt brave enough to tackle a more unsettled bouse.  I finally found the one I was looking for- after crossing quite a few streams and hills to get there.  On the way I had asked the Mad Hatter for directions, but he was of little help to this particular quest; so I had to settle for my woman's intuition.  That God-given gift didn't fail me -even in dreamland, and I arrived at last.  I didn't bother with the doorbell this time, and instead opened the door by myself.  I pushed aside the furry darkness that enclosed around me until I fell out upon the wet, cold snow of winter.  I had stepped through the wardrobe and into the land of Narnia.
--------------------
I sat feasting with Peter, Edmund, Susan, Lucy, Aslan, and the many other Narnians in celebration of our victory, when a sudden beeping sounded.  "What is that?" I asked aloud as I looked around for the cause of the irritating noise.
Aslan softly patted my hand with his paw, "...Come; I will open the door in the sky and send you to your own land.  But you shall meet me (in your own world), dear one.  There I have another name. You must learn to know me by that name. This was the very reason why you were brought to Narnia, that by knowing me here for a little, you may know me better there.”
― C.S. Lewis, The Voyage of the Dawn Treader

Suddenly I was pulled by a whirlwind further and further from the bouses.  I flew up above the moon and looked down at the fading dreamland.  I soared over the planets until I awoke back on earth in my little room.  I rubbed my pasty eyes and looked around to see if Emma, Sherlock, and the Pevensies had joined me.  But they hadn't; all I saw was my beeping alarm clock, my book that had fallen to the floor in my sleep, and the normal bedroom furniture.  I sighed sadly as I realized that my time in dreamland had indeed been short, but then a smile slowly spread across my face as I realized the privilege of experiencing the great adventures inside the dreamland bouses.