Of Pens and Paper: The Year's Hardest Word

Last year I decided to take a word and claim it for the year- just one word that I wanted to work on and have God accomplish in me. A word that (whenever I heard it, read it, or saw it) would remind me to cultivate this special quality. Last year’s word was JOY. This year’s word is one that I will struggle with all year and possibly still struggle with even when I move onto my next word. Let’s see if I can even get this word out- TRUST! Why is this so hard for me?

I’ve been starting to realize how self-reliant I have become. Life seems easier if you do not need to depend on anyone for anything. No worry about being hurt or taken advantage of, no worry of dreams not coming true. Then God struck me with the fact that I haven’t been trusting others; but even more importantly, I haven’t been trusting Him.

“Child, you have been fighting your way through life trying to get what you want- when you want it- on your own power. You have held me off from guiding your footsteps, and you have held off people who would walk beside you.”

“But, God, seriously, I used to trust You and others; but then I got smart. I mean, why would I bother with people when they only end up leaving me or rejecting me? And as for You, well that’s another subject. You know what I was supposed to be doing with my life by now, but here I am, still uncertain about what the future holds for me.”

“Oh, so you think that you can’t trust Me because I did not make life go exactly like you thought it should. You think that because you’re an author, you can write the best plot. My Dear, you have so much to learn. If you would only let go of the pencil for a little, I could script a story that would blow you away. See, I’m good at that, very good.”

“But what about all those people who allowed You to script their lives and they ended up dead in a prison camp, ambushed by killers, burnt at the stake, or suffering from cancer. That’s not how I want my life’s book to read- ‘MarJanita, faithful follower of God died ? from enemy explosion as she was trying to rescue children from the war zone.’ I want it to read- ‘MarJanita, celebrated and accomplished writer, musician, world-traveler, and philanthropist will now be making her appearance at the Giant Center to give a speech on her latest book The Three Keys to Open the Door of Success.’”

“See, that’s what I have been trying to tell you. You can’t trust because you think you know what is best, but you really don’t. No offense, but you’re human, you’re not God. Your understanding is limited. What you don’t realize is that when I write someone’s story I write it in mystery-novel style. I don’t write plain comedy, because although life is fun it is also serious. I don’t write plain romance, because sometimes love is hard to see and you need to come to Me to find it. I don’t write plain tragedy, because there is also joy in life; and I don’t write biographies, because that would mean there is an end to the story. I write mysteries, but I won’t reveal the ending until you’re sitting here with Me and I can personally read it to you. I am trying to do something very special; I only wish you could see that.”

“Okay, I’m starting to understand, but why do I need other people?”

“When have you read a story with only one character in it?”

“Um…well…never?”

“That’s right, because life would be pretty lonely if there was only one star in the show. Yes, you will get hurt when you open your heart to others, some will only be with you to see what they can gain. Others will find someone else to walk beside and move out of your life. But enjoy the moments when they are right there in your story walking through life with you. Loving and being loved are the richest blessings you can find. To be without that is a tragedy indeed.”

So, I finally tried to let go, let go of my wishes, my dreams, and my hold on life and what I love. And God took the pencil from my hand and started to write. In the last few weeks, He has shocked me with what He has written. I like to think that I can create some imaginative stories, but God can script things that we can not even begin to think and form on our own.

So this year, I’m going to try to be okay with my life being a mystery novel. In my novel there will be comedy, tragedy, romance, and suspense; but I’m going to have to wait for it all to come together until I reach Home- and I’m going to try to be okay with that because I will TRUST! Blessings to you as you continue to let God guide you as well.